Friday, March 2, 2012

Adam Sandler Needs to Be Stopped

Sometimes after a long day of work you just have to sit in your bra and sweatpants at your computer and watch movie trailers online for 2 hours instead of learning a monologue.  (I AM VERY ALONE AND VERY LAZY).  Today, I learned that the future of cinema is in extreme danger.

"That's My Boy" a new "movie" featuring Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg

As Adam Sandler gets older, my hatred for him grows stronger.  I'll be honest, when I was 13 I watched "Mr. Deeds" on TBS 200 times and peed myself with laughter. But now the thought of even sitting through 10 minutes of "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" or the terrifying horror film that was "Jack and Jill" makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork.  Not just a fork, a rusty fork.  Possibly even covered in someone else's blood who had to sit through "Jack and Jill" before me and stabbed his or her self to end the suffering .

"That's my Boy" looks incredible.  And by incredible I mean it is incredible that people actually read the script and thought, yes this looks great, let's produce this, and show this to humans.  First off, Adam Sandler is barely even committing to a character.  Give him weird hair and a nodesy growly vaguely New York(?) accent and BAM somehow he is a real actor.  I feel like he just shows up on set and decides what he's going to do 5 minutes before they shoot.  "Crazy voice. Check. Girls with massive tits. Check. LET'S SHOOT." Secondly, in the trailer there is the ultimate trifecta of blood, vomit, and semen, so clearly this is going to be a really classy affair.  Bodily fluids= instant hilarity, DUH.  And finally, most importantly, is the person with the enormous boobs and nipple tassels (YES. THIS IS REAL) a woman or a man?  Can't wait until the movie comes out so I can find out.

Release date: June 15, 2012
Day of apocalypse: June 15, 2012

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