Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Reality Check


WHY THIS ISN’T REAL

 “SING OFF”
Broadway people don’t have singoffs.  Everyone thinks they are a better singer than everyone else, but you aren’t allowed to say that aloud.  You just tell them their belt is like so fucking fierce, while in your head you are plotting ways to rip out their vocal chords.

“I’M IN TECH”
I suppose because this is apparently Sleepy’s first tech she doesn’t really understand, but this is no answer to a marriage proposal.  It’s no answer to anything.  Karen, could you grab me a coffee on your way…I’m in tech.  Karen, Grandma would really love to hear from you, it’s her 85th birthday…I said, I’m in tech.  Karen, your sister needs a bone marrow transplant and you are a match…no no no, I’m in tech, DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND.  Karen, Karen, Karen, don’t you understand?  YOU ARE IN THEATRE.  You will never find another straight man again.  Hold onto that sexy Indian civilian for as long as you can.

GRAND CENTRAL
Grand Central is not romantic.  I’m not sure what McSleepy is in awe of…It is a terrible place.  No one is excited to be there.  Also, how are they getting to Boston from Grand Central?  Please someone tell me because I’d love to not have to take a janky ass 5 hour bus ride next time.

ANJELICA HUSTON HAVING SEX
I just can’t. 

I knew I shouldn't have googled "Anjelica huston sex," but once I saw the photo I had to share it.  I'm a horrible person.  But you knew that. 


My main issue with the show is that I don’t believe a single one of the characters.  None of them are three dimensional in any way.  Karen is dumb and innocent and does dumb and innocent things.  Ellis is the spawn of satan and does spawn of satany things.  And if Uma Thurman was that shitty and that annoying I don’t care how famous she is, she would not be in the show.  WRITE CHARACTERS THAT ARE REAL PEOPLE.  PLEASE.  AND HIRE AN ACTRESS WHO CAN STAY AWAKE DURING FILMING. 

Sidenote:

I can’t pretend the infamous Bollywood Extravaganza of 2012 didn’t occur.  As much as I’d like to forget it, it has to be addressed.  Truly, the amount of texts and emails I received after this episode was outrageous.  You’d have thought Ellis finally died or something (still crossing my fingers Patti Lupone chokes him before the season is over).  I have a confession to make.  I love the song.  I downloaded it and listen to it as I walk down the street.  I dance alone to it in my room, screaming, “WILL YOU SHOWER ME WITH RICHEEEEEEEEEES?”  I can’t believe it either.  I always feel embarrassed when listening to it on the subway as if someone will lean over, hear it blasting through my headphones and I’ll have to make up some story about how I was really listening to Mumford and Sons or something trendy and my dumb sister put that on there.  Kudos on the song, but please tell me how the fuck that was relevant to anything.  

His first wish is clearly for someone to save him and help him escape 

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