Wednesday, January 15, 2014

OkCupid Weekly Roundup: Everyone is Still Horrible

The trauma continues. Here are some of this week's prospective sugar daddys: 

I don't usually like to post pictures, but I literally thought this man was a baby when the photo appeared in my inbox.  And I was all, how did a baby get on okcupid?  Someone save that little baby from sadness! 

I've always said I was looking for a nice Jewish boy and I finally found him.  

It is pretty hard to believe he's really a hasid though…He probably bought that costume at Ricky's.  

Oh man, things just got heavy.  Is okcupid really the place to be discussing this?  I always think it's amusing that people take their profiles so seriously.  Sure I have a lot of goals and aspirations, but I don't know if this is the forum to express those.  Which is why for awhile my profile just read "My self summary: IM AN OLD WITCH." 

I received some really special messages ;) 
(I'd like to express that sending me the winky face is equivalent to stabbing me in the eyeball) 

I googled this "massage" and apparently langham means penis. So a penis massage. So a hand job? I'm so glad I know this now because god knows I'd be sucked into someone asking me after yoga to give them a langham massage and I'd be like I guess okay, I just want people to like me, I crave attention, I'll do it.

Does he know you refer to him as your ashkenazi?  Because maybe that's why he is leaving.  But of course, I will replace him.  Because all Jews are the same.  AND WE ARE ALL WITCHES.  OLD, OLD WITCHES.  

I will be honest, I really don't understand this at all.  Is this supposed to be sexual?  Or violent?  Or both?  Either way, I do not need to find out.  

And finally, I received this message in August of 2011 during my 1st brief stint on OkCupid. (I delete it every few months in a panic and send texts to all my friends that say IM FREEEEEE).  I will never delete this and I will cherish it forever.  I give you MEDRASHER.  

I then received another message days later.  

I really miss him. 

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